life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
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