OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Randomize
