your room smells of hookers.
And success
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
