he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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