my mouth tastes like poor choices
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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