Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
