Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
