I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
