i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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