Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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