Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Randomize
