also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
