Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
