he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
