well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
