If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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