How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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