my phone cant type all the emotion im having
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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