I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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