so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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