I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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