She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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