Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
