you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
