I'm really into asian looking animals
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
