I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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