this beer tastes like vomit already
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
