And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
