she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
