we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
