I got chris browned last night
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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