Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
