My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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