I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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