Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
