I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
