He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
