I just cut my nipple shaving
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
