please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
