i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
