Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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