i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
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