if only i could text you this smell
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
