don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
