If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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