Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
It was like getting head from an anaconda
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
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