Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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