i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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