my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
