I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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