Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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