that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
