i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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