I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
