How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize