There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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