I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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