we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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