today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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