i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
