WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
