the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
