im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
