is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
