I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
You took a bar mat shot.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
