id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
