its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
