my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
