Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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